Friday, May 11, 2012

Feelings: I Have Lots of Them

On this, my penultimate day in Siena, I'm sitting here packing and trying not to cry every time I think about what I'm doing. I leave for Florence tomorrow evening, since my plane leaves at the unholy hour of 7:20 am on Sunday morning, meaning I need to spend the night in Florence. Thus, this is my last full day in Siena. Sadness abounds, with Rachel and I each occasionally shedding a few covert tears as we realize just how little time we have left. 

However, I thought I would post a picture of what packing for home looks like, versus packing for Siena.

Alas and alack!

Remember my very first post, when I was freaking out over how I was going to fit everything in my suitcase? Yeah... it's the same this time, except now I know exactly what needs to go in the suitcase. I just need to figure out how to make it fit, seeing as, whoops, I bought some stuff while I was here.

It's interesting to compare how I felt packing 4 months ago to how I feel packing now. 4 months ago, I had no idea what Italy would be like - I hoped very much that I would love it, but I was scared and stressed, as well as excited beyond anything I'd ever felt. I couldn't believe that I was going to live in Italy for 4 whole months.

Now, on the other side, as I pack for America, I feel some of those same emotions, but I also feel some very different ones. I have, in fact, loved Italy, and so I am incredibly sad to be leaving it. I've fallen in love with Italy and with the Italian people, and I can't believe that I'm most likely never going to see any of the people I've met here again. I don't want that at all! So, I'm telling myself that it's not an option for me not to come back to Italy - I *have* to come back. I'd be too heartbroken if I didn't tell myself that.

But it's not all bad feelings; I'm also very happy to go home and see my family. I miss them, and it's been weird not to be able to talk to them as much as I do when I'm at school. Plus I miss Trinity horribly - it's been harder than I thought it would be to see my friends have their lives at Trinity (facebook: the creeper's helper since 2004), while I've been away. Granted, I've been in Italy so I can't really complain, but I do still miss my friends greatly, and I cannot wait to see them again!

Finally, I am once again feeling some of those same scared emotions that I felt coming over here, this time because I've been in a completely different environment, doing completely different things since January, and I'm sure I've changed a lot during this semester. But I live with myself, so I can't actually tell how much I've changed - I have to wait until I go home until I discover how I've changed. As a result, I'm a little worried about reverse culture shock. I was expecting Italy to be very different than America, so my culture shock upon coming to Italy was very minimal. However, I am now returning home, to a place that should be familiar and comforting, but my perception of the world has changed, and I am both worried and excited to see what that will be like.

And now, it is a beautiful, perfect, gorgeous day here in Siena, and I plan to go outside and spend some quality time on the Campo, soaking up that Tuscan sun - packing be damned!

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